Collective groan from California heard from as far away as 750 miles away.
In possibly the craziest, most entertaining, expensive, hilarious and downright wacky election EVER, Ahhhnold "The Terminator" Schvarcenagger was elected Governor of the great Bear state in a recall election today. He beat out 134 other candidates that included a black midget, a handicap porn seller "that cares", a porn star "with amazing... no i can't say that either.....hmmm....TALENT", a comedian with a knack for hitting fruit with a large mallet (stay away from my pet watermelon), a bunch of Republican a**holes and a bunch of really cool Democrats (Bias? What bias?), with a spattering here and there of some radical Green party people (thats the name of my new band, Radical Green Party People.)
For those of you living under a rock with earmuffs, a blindfold on and headphones blasting Milli Vanilli for the past few months, the formerly sane citizens of the States of Southern and Northern California had decided to institute a recall of their governor, Gray "More of a Taupe" Davis.
Why, of course, is the immediate question, that a person would ask, would California do this to poor Gray? Is it his depressing name (Let's elected Baby Blue Smith instead!)? Is it the fact that no one likes the guy that always got the better GPA, better SATs, prettier (or any girls), such as Gray? No, you are all wrong. I have the answer. Sit down, this is complicated.
Despite the fact this is my first conspiracy theory, it doesn't mean you need to scoff, or send hate mail (please do anyway), or threaten me with my life, or even worse, close this window. So here goes:
First, a bunch Hollywood executive types got together one day and decided that, as always, they needed more money. But how? They needed the ultimate storyline to make a huge blockbusting movie. But NooOOoo, they couldn't make up anything, they had to use something true, because of course, this whole recall is WAY too ridiculous to not be true. So what they did is decided to get all the signatures for this whole thing to go through. But their plan wasn't complete. They needed the ultimate candidate, AHHNOLD, OF COURSE!! The movie practically writes itself. He's Austrian, he can't even say Calll-i-foor-nyia correctly, and he is known for blowing things up. Why not run for governor? I mean, look at all the expirience!
So in conclusion, California is headed for some rough waters. But i do have some good news...I just saved 15% by switching to Geico.
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