Justin "Baby Huey" Blaufeld's Mazkir Speech from CC

My Brother Alephs,

            I have gained a great deal of respect for the DC Council, and so now I stand before you asking for the PRIVILAGE of serving you as Council Mazkir.  Someone once said “DC Council is like matzo ball soup”.  A clever comparison, from a not so clever man.  So while I sat on the toilet, giving birth to a big ass number two, I came up with my own analogy to pass the time.  You see, DC council is like a full toilet bowl of sh*t.

Take CURLY AZA:  With your punctuality and long lasting character, you are like the series of farts that warn you a sh*t is coming.

Or SIMON ATLAS AZA:  You are like the sh*t with---------------At this point I was cut off and kicked out of the meeting.

You are like the sh*t with an unhealthy amount of corn bits here and there.  Your members are unique bits of yellow in what would normally be a brown pile of sameness.  When I can find a piece of corn in my sh*t I am pleased and excited, just like when I meet a member of siat.

There is EINSTEIN AZA:  You are a rock hard solid chapter.  For that you are the sh*t of constipation.  A program with you is also rock hard, like your chapter, though after words I get a burning sensation in the ass.

Oseh Shalom BBYO:  Because you are away most of the time in Colombia, you are like the fart that was forced out only to realize that what you just forced out was a turd, and now there is feces running down your leg.  See, you’re out there in Colombia like the sh*t away from the bathroom.  Working with Oseh is a taboo of pure pleasure: I love to sh*t myself!

Melech AZA:  You are like the 25 lb load of diarrhea. Sometimes, people are reluctant to program with you as they are to eat at a shady Chinese restaurant.  When a program starts, your members flow into the house like the red sea closing on the Egyptians.  Like liquid poo, Much clean up fallows, though it felt good to have you.

And BRANDEIS AZA:  We can be described with one word: Blumpkin.  We are the strangest chapter in NRE, just like a blumpkin (which is receiving oral while sh*tting).  We elect a shotare godol, we vote on life, and don’t caucus for chapter board.  The list goes on.  But like the blumkin, coming on…coming TO your programs is always a DOUBLE pleasure.

We are like sh*t in every aspect, except business.  When it comes to doing business we hold a HIGH standard.  As Mazkir, I refuse to simply “do my job”.  My goal is to create a content rich DC council website.  I also want to spend more time with my counterparts.

BUT MY BROTHERS!  What do you expect?!  We are the DC Council bowl of sh*t that the NoVa plunger can unclog nor can the Baltimore fan remove our odor.  So the next time someone says “It smells like sh*t in here” you tell them “That’s not sh*t, that’s the smell of success!  That’s the smell of the DC Council!”