The once docile Adam Lax had turned violent, and wreaked havoc among the citizens of Potomac. Wielding his gavel like the fiery sword of death, Lax Rampages© through the city. Eating tourists, crushing buildings, and occasionally being powered up by a slab of steak, he is turning this bustling city into a pit of despair.

People are fleeing from his awkward silences, jumbled sentences, and self-degrading laugh. On Lax's shoulder there is a crocheting parrot, telling him all about what he has to do... Break Martha Stuart out of jail! Although heading in the direction of the nearest pornography ring, his basement, Adam took a sharp turn and headed towards Martha Stuart's penitentiary. With great strides and bounds Adam races towards dearest Martha in Guantanamo Bay. Apparently she wasn't there, and Adam's miscalculation lead to a massive jail break. No one wanted to leave, however, because they are now being treated "humanely." (I can't wait for Cooper's political take on what I just said.)

It seemed as though Lax's attack was through, but let me tell you, he was hardly finished attacking... Lax Attacking. Two of the bravest men around were called into action to stop this violence. These were the two wrong men. Jason Harris the bold, and Adam Susser the ever-present were ordered to gather an army of men so fierce that no Lax on earth could stop it. Not even a LAX team, running, and jumping with their skirts and goggles. Apparently they forgot to get the kids to sign up, and well the whole idea simply fizzled out.

Lax had broken the first line of defense, and it was up to an elite four to inform everyone of Lax's progress. This however also failed abruptly as Brian Lerner the wise, and Jamison Cooper the indignant could not stop typing in the chatter box, and Alex and Dan, were both well, just not anywhere. Apparently the elite four had only enough energy to complain about minute details, existent or not, and not to warn everyone of a gathering darkness.

All seemed lost. Suddenly, through some random smoke Justin Blaufeld arrived on the scene with the entire Simon Atlas chapter as reinforcements. An Acura mowed down the group until it malfunctioned. Why it did is still a mystery... Did David Richman use it as a sex toy thus jamming the muffler, or was it just not that great of a car, no body really knows. But one thing was definite. The abbreviation of Adam Lax's Acura is ALA. But, that is not really interesting, nor does it hold any relevance to the story at hand.

The cops looked at him, and realized that, "that son of a bitch is brave and getting braver." They had been listening to Bob Dylan earlier and decided that not only would the use song lyrics in their conversations, but also that a man must walk down 12 roads before he can truly be called a man. This was later argued by the Deep Thought computer's answer to the ultimate question of 42. (Don't worry if you don't get that)

No one knew how to stop this unstoppable Lax attack. Mainly because it was unstoppable, or was it? Josh decided it was time to reclaim the seat of leadership he once held. With his faithful Kevin scribing his thoughts of a way of stopping Lax this was what they turned up with... "He must ... (too fast)... ham sandwich... (too fast)... motel 6... (too fast)... Tina... (too fast)." This was released three months later.

After viewing every movie, and reading every comic book, and even taking a Fantasy Literature class, Aaron Sperling decreed that the way to stop Adam Lax was to burn him to the ground. He didn't receive this idea from any of his education, or culture but simply from the pixie that lives in his head. He and his hoard of Mongoloids, persons from Mongolia, prepared for the battle of the century. However, it was projected to be on a Tuesday, yet clearly didn't take place until the following Thursday. This threw the whole media off track, so there is no record of the battle.

Damn, that was anti-climatic.