The Brunion








			MAD COW DISEASE Brian Lerner Over the past several months most of us have probably encountered the ever growing threat of a mad cow infested meal. These meals range from a McDonald’s burger, which I am pretty sure has no meat, to meatballs in spaghetti, all the way to a chicken sandwich. I have been forced into eating no meat other that human, (possibly a boy by the name of Adam Danoff???) Because of the recent discovery of Mad Cow Disease in ONE cow in Washington ( the state) we have all had to make severe sacrifices, except our vegetarian friends who already have mad something. You need to know some facts before you can continue to make all investors in beef futures broke. First off, the disease is transmitted through the spinal column, and brain. These are delicacies in many European countries, explaining the outbreak there. However, in the states here, we will happily throw out that part of the cow. Making it hard to contract the disease. Second, I am too cool to have any disease of any kind, except genital herpes, sorry Kevin. Third, The disease takes 4-5 years to show any symptoms. This can be taken two ways: At the least I have 4 years to: gain 150 pounds, spend all of my money on hookers, and randomly go roaming around the country finding midgets and throwing them into a pool of dead babies. The "Infected Meat" has been spreading through the country, nearly 1/3 of every cow has it, and any meat you may experience over the next 5 years needs to be thoroughly tested, before you can safely look at it without getting Mad Cow. Fourth and finally, an overlooked aspect of the Mad Cow debate is that it has an equally dangerous counter-part disease called, "Mad Lack of Cow" which happens to people who either don’t eat enough cow, or that once married a cow, whom left you for some shuck bull, because he is making a better living. Ooh la la, I have a 5 year plan ... I will never forget you Bessie. I’ll always have my memories... I think that Mad Cow is overrated, as is "sex" I am more pleasured with my own hands, than I ever was with that damn cow... sorry Kevin, but you just didn’t do it for me. Now Bessie, she knew her stuff, we went through the Karma- Sutra twice, then... Well, I don’t want to talk about it. Signing off, I am Sick and tired, of being sick and tired from Mad Lack of Cow. I’ll always wait for you Bessie...