Aleph Calls it Quits over "fruity" Shirt

Seeks Youth Group with "heterosexual" apparel

-----Scandal once again rocked Brandeis AZA today when another Aleph called it quits; This time it was due to an unsatisfactory commemorative T-shirt he recived at a convention.
The aleph, who is only identified by the initials M.E., notified the Aleph Godol of Brandeis earlier this morning of his intention to leave BBYO. "He was pretty irate....is that how you say it....anyways, yeah man, he was pissed. I couldn't really understand much of what he was saying since I am a foreignor, but i did catch the words 'pink' and 'gay a** s***.'" The godol didnt seem to be to upset about the loss of M.E. "Yeah he did stuff... now that i think about it, he only came to stuff at my house. And he really enjoyed talking to my mom...But it's not a big loss."
Later in the day, more details about this sudden storm of events were reaveled to the Brunion. Apparently, the Aleph was furious over a "queer pink shirt" he had recieved at "some fairy convention."
I think i really have accepted the whole communist thing. It isn't entirly innaccurate. I do have a thing for command economies. Plus putting it on the back of my jersey didnt help the cause either.
The shirt in question, was indeed pink, with the word "Unconvention" written backwards on the front. "What the hell doesn that mean. Even if i could get past thet fact that this f***** shirt is girly pink, I don't have the freakin' time to read that s***." The shirt irked M.E. so much, that he decided to quit. "The only reason i went to stuff was to get play and to see Yisrael's hot mom. But this shirt sucks, and shes aging." It was also reported to the Brunion that BBG girls "never hook up with M.E.," a well-known problem for many an aleph.
Look at this poor son of a bitch. He is so angry, his head enlarged, turned yellow, and his mouth formed a crazy frown. I just feel sorry for people like that.
Brandeis members seemed to be taking the event well. Ben Wolff, Aleph Sopher elect, told the Brunion "All he did was sit around and dis gay people. I mean, I'm not gay...yet at least. Maybe if girls would hook up with M.E., we wouldnt have this problem. But dissin homosexuals is not cool."
Other members of Brandeis had trouble understanding the rationale for M.E.'s decision. David Germain, Aleph Shotare Godol elect, was one of these Alephs. "I like the pink. It makes me feel all fresh-like."
It seems that M.E.'s presence will not be mourned in this chapter of AZA. But most of those interviewed agreed that the apparel distributed in AZA could be improved. Jason Harris, Aleph Gizbor elect, felt that no shirts were "offensive or lewd enough". He added that he planned to accomplish this shortage of crude humor in his next term, starting with "knee-pads" and pictures of Mark Cowen's head attached to "a fat, naked woman's body."
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